A lot has changed. Mostly myself, my circumstances, and my mind. My hearts a different beast. I’m falling again despite my best efforts. I had plans to be single, learn and live a little. I started to. I began enjoying life again with friends and family. One day, out of the blue, you found me. I pushed you to the back of my mind again and again until you somehow moved to the forefront. How in the hell did you manage that? How did a complete stranger unlock my unbreakable seal? I finally agreed to meet up. I finally swallowed my pride and my uncertainties. I went out with the girls on the last day of 2016. I somehow knew I would see you. I’d already had more than my share of adult beverages, my inhibitions still in tact but waivoring. I walked back from the restroom and saw your face. I damn near collapsed right there and then. I rationalized it away by telling myself I was drunk. You dropped everything to talk to me and my friends. And before I knew it, you had my attention. You not only had it but you held it. That night was a blur of bliss and delusion. I had no preconceived notions about the two of us. But you finally asked to see me again. And again. And one week into the new year I knew I was absolutely screwed. I woke up thinking of you and could only fall sleep day dreaming. Now I won’t admit it, my prides a hell of a jagged pill. But I’ve fallen for you. Your eyes, your voice, that smile. The way you react when my hands run up your arms and to your hands. Rough hands. Hard working hands. You act as cool and aloof as I try to. But your eyes portray a different story. You’re as terrified of me as I am of you. The damage we could do. If we were kids again I’d be infatuated but we aren’t. We’ve been weathered by too many storms and weary of trust. We try to hide from each other in plain site. We both play it cool and reserved while we pray the other says everything we are thinking. After just 26 years we have both been molded to live in fear. But I want only you to be my happy new year.
The Mad Mind of Coraline 