One For The Books.

This weekend didn’t fail me. I had many first experiences. The first time I’ve been to a certain local music festival, the first time I tried zip lining with my boyfriend (with a few other friends), the first time I out right sang in front of my boyfriend (collaboration song in the making now), the first time I got to meet a close friend of my boyfriend, and the list goes on. 

I do not sing around other people often, I was nervous as hell. I sing in front of the kids, they seem to love it and brag to my boyfriend who would get upset that I don’t around him. Well the cats out of the bag now, no turning back. Had an ex once tell me I sounded like Beyoncé after he pretended to sleep in the car just so he could hear me. But for some reason I felt the need with my boyfriend. I love him so much I’ll do what I’m afraid to do. I’ll step out of my comfort zone to show him a side of me few have seen. He loved it. That’s a huge relief. I’ve been singing since I can remember. I spent years in choir and even before that, as a child, I’d belt it out along with Whitney Houston and Toni Braxton. To this day I’m an alto because of it. 

The music festival was huge. My boyfriend and his colleagues got to perform. It was epic. I’m so proud of him and how far he’s come. We got to see a couple of our favorite artists perform. We got to spend time with a friend my boyfriend hasn’t seen in years and hangout with local and state wide artists. I felt like he knew everybody. I’ve always gotten along great with everyone. I had so much fun. Plus I got to hear “back in the day” stories from my boyfriend and his best friend that made me chuckle, some that made me cringe. His best friend and his friends wife decided we should all zip line over a local river. Without hesitation we were down. Sailing through the air, I laid back and watched the blurry people rush by on the nearby bridge in plain daylight. It was exhilarating. 

I love experiencing new things with my team mate. He’s so open and willing to have fun with me. He’s my best friend first and foremost and my lover secondly. Sunday evening was time to clean and do yard work. I watched him now the lawn while I did dishes. After mowing he comes in with a fist full of wild flowers from the yard. There isn’t a moment of doubt, never a second goes by that I don’t believe he loves me. He loves me more and differently than he’s ever loved before. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. This weekend has been one for the books. 

July 13, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Feverish Passion, Love Life & Romance, Night LifeTags: artist, best, best friend, books, boyfriend, dishes, festival, flowers, friend, friends, fun, happy, local, love, lucky, mow, music, perfect, perform, river, sing, song, sun, weekend, zipline Leave a comment

A Tale of the Day I Changed My Mind & My Heart.

After visiting with my sisters and future brother-in-law I wanted to write this story. They were the ones who kept me company on the best worst day of my life. The day I changed my mind and my heart. The day I became in tune with my true nature and womanhood. I’ve written about it before but that was merely a writing of the worst events of the day. In reality, that day I spent crying all morning but laughed more than being in pain. 

We all know by now that I walked in on my now ex-husbands affair. Everyone’s over that detail. However what took place after 4 am on August 1st of 2014? Well I sought companionship from my youngest sister. She drove to my house where I sobbed on her shoulder and screamed out of anger. Sure, you’d be devastated to if you didn’t expect that to happen to you. In retrospect I should’ve known better. An example is that he stopped wearing his ring ever because “it hurt” when he just went to the gym. Yeah, sure. But my sister listened and empathized and told me how much none of my family nor his own family ever approved of him or the way he treated me. Blah, blah, yada, yada. Well my sister took myself and my son to her apartment where my brother in law was. I called in to work. And we sat and watched tv while I cried for a few hours. I cried away all the feelings of love I ever had for that man. I cried so hard I grew tired of tears and vowed I’d never let anyone make me feel that way again. I changed. I picked myself up off that couch. My mom took my son for the day in order to spare his feelings while I grieved. But what happened next was miraculous. My older sister showed up to support me. We all went out, had drinks at noon while we played pool. Then we went out to dinner with my absolutely fantastic father. We drank more and laughed and talked for hours. Then we went back to the bar to play pool and drink. We went with my brother-in-laws amazing mother and step father. We laughed so hard we cried and couldn’t breathe. We went back to my sisters apartment and decided to play drinking games. We played one of my favorites, Hockey. Took shots, made jokes, day dreamed, had a blast. We played a game called Kings Cup. We loved the rule about making our own rules. My older sister created the rule where we had to complete every sentence with “bitch.” My older sister with her bachelors in psychology and masters in social work. I never laughed so hard in my life. Laughter is the best medicine. The couple went to bed and my older sister and I took a late night walk. We talked and laughed until we got back to go to bed. We passed out on the couch together. That was the first time I had spent a whole day without thinking about him in ten years. I learned to live without him. That day was really the best day of my entire life. I felt so free and liberated. I felt empowered by my new sense of self. I was independent. That day I found a way to change my mind and change my heart. I laughed. 

June 19, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Feverish Passion, Grievance, Life, Loss & Tragedy, Night Life, Self WorthTags: best, change, changed, cry, day, different, free, fun, heart, laugh, liberated, mind, moved, new, think, worst Leave a comment

Energy.

I have days that are down right rough. Where nothing goes the way I want it to and not as planned. I’ve had heartbreak and frustration. I have had annoyance and anxiety. I had a lot more of them a year ago and for some time before that. I was depressed and struggled with the simplest things in life. We have all experienced times where giving up seems like the only option. I’m glad I never did. I wouldn’t change my past for anything. I learned valuable lessons from heartache and misery. Instead of letting it make me bitter, it has made me better. I can’t remember the last time I had a bad day. Last year I decided instead of adding years to my life I would rather add life to my years. I feel like I’m more alive and awake now than I have ever been before. Today was a great day, yesterday was fantastic and the day before that was a dream. I feel like all those times my parents told me it would get better this is what they were talking about. I’m still a work in progress, I’m still making strides to achieve my dream career and make more money to provide for my family. I’m still in the process of cleaning up after the last catastrophic event in my life. But damn today was good. I feel at peace with myself and where I am. I feel a deep contentment. I finally have real and true friends, most of which are at my maturity level (older haha). Tonight I went to my friends Tupperware party and had an absolute blast. Of course there were margaritas and fajitas involved but still. Those margaritas were the best I’ve ever had, made with all real fruit. We laughed and told stories and hung out with all of our children. It kind of makes me sound like a square but I’d much rather spend time with those adults than with people my own age who drink until their sick and act like total fools. Fun isn’t going to the club it’s being able to achieve utter bliss from the people you surround yourself with without mind altering substances. I know, I’m a square. I get pleasures from more of life’s simple things. Good people and intellectual conversations are what I find fun. My man feels the same. We can sit at home and do absolutely nothing but talk and laugh for hours. I love honest people like him that are true to their nature and up front. Good natured people that can teach me something. That is how I want to spend my free time. To wrap it up I made a link today between my happier mood and the people I choose to surround myself with. Energy is contagious. The more positive and powerful energies you surround yourself with, the more you improve your own. 

May 15, 2015May 28, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Life, Night Life, Self WorthTags: alive, balance, bliss, chakra, contageous, content, divine, energy, excited, force, friend, friends, good, happt, impact, improve, intelligent, life, live, me, mood, nature, new, people, positive, power, self, talk, year, years Leave a comment

Passion.

About last night, it was more than amazing. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. I’m still tingly all over. The only high I’ve ever needed and ever been missing. It’s hard to wipe this stupid smirk from my face. I relive it in my fantasies moment by moment. The way you looked at me. The way you demanded I look you in the eye. The way you forcefully positioned me. The way you so gently held me. It satisfied me to the core yet left me desperately yearning for more. I can’t get enough of you. 

May 13, 2015May 28, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Life, Love Life & Romance, Night LifeTags: beauty, bond, close, crave, enough, eye, eyes, feel, forever, intimacy, intimate, keep, keeper, kiss, last, look, love, loving, lust, making, need, never, night, passion, pure, satisfy, sexy, steamy, touch, true, want Leave a comment

Dreams.

I’ve had two repititious dreams my whole life. One being very mild and calming and another a nightmare. Let’s begin with the good news. Since I was about six I’ve dreamed of a white wolf with icey crystal blue eyes. It never chases me or attacks me, it just stares with a glare that pierces my soul. Often I meet it in a forest that is fresh and green. The grass is thick with dew and cool against the heated humid air. The trees lush with large leafs. I follow it in that forest, the wolf occasionally glancing back over its shoulder to confirm my following footsteps. We always reach the same wall of large old gray bricks with vines growing as if it was built thousands of years ago. The wolf then disappears into the thick shrubs at the base of the wall. Leaving me stranded and alone but oddly at peace and safe. Often times that wolf makes appearances randomly in other dreams, often times snoozing in a chair or on the floor. The wolf brings me comfort. He’s my spirit guide. 

The nightmare leaves me at unease and terrified. This dream is much more complicated. I am in the dark, air so thick it feels as though I’m floating in water. The only light radiating from the core of my body. I’m in a beautiful white shear gown. I feel beautiful only until I realize who’s looking at me, or what’s looking at me. Three sets of eyes appear from the depths of the dark abyss. These eyes aren’t human but are unlike any animal. I see various forms of flesh in the light I emit. I see fur, scales, leather, and weeping flesh. There’s three of them. And they’re hungry for more than just a meal. The lust in their eyes sends chills up my spine. It makes me sick. They tell me their names in voices that would bring any man to their knees in crippling agony. Worse than nails on a chalkboard. So shrill and malevolent. I remember their names, but refuse to ever speak them into existence. They found me, I am their prey. My light dims. I’m in trouble. They stick to the shadows, the light burns them. Suddenly without any warning the light goes out. I feel nothing for a brief moment hoping I’m waking from my nightmare. But then the talons, claws, teeth, and needles pierce me. They’re dragging me down like the undertow. I feel the pressure as if I’m 30 feet below water. They touch me and taste the blood I’m sure is springing from my body. The warmth and smell of copper fills the air. I’m dying. They do unmentionable things to me in the pitch black of my nightmare. They have since my early teen years. Until one day recently a light sprung so bright right before my eyes and a firm calloused hand rescues me. This strength pulls me into some sort of other worldly portal. And I’m in my forest. I’m safe. I’ve been safe all along. My skin is intact and my gown is fresh and stunning. The dew feels wonderful beneath my warm feet. I run. And I run. I feel free and exhilarated. The last time I had this dream that reoccurs but in slightly different variations, I found myself panting through the forest looking for my savior. I haven’t found him yet but I have a feeling I know who he is. 

May 7, 2015May 28, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Life, Night LifeTags: afraid, beautiful, beauty, black, dark, darkness, death, demon, demons, dew, die, dream, dreams, fear, Forest, forests, free, gown, grass, love, meaning, nightmare, nightmares, run, safe, saving, savior, scared, shear, shrubs, terrified, tree, trees, wall, white, wolf Leave a comment