I finally hit a massive personal milestone. I received my results from state boards and I’m now a Registered Nurse. That test was the hardest I’ve ever encountered but I made it. I survived nursing school and years of prerequisites. I feel like I should have magic powers by now. Don’t ask me how I did it because I’m not really sure. I’m guessing it all started with my decision. I decided this was it. I decided there was no room for failure. There was no giving up. Fall down? Cool, get your ass back up. Someone says you don’t have what it takes? Prove them wrong. You feel like giving up? Don’t. It’s a decision and dedication. It’s a commitment to yourself. Just survive each day and eventually you’ll be standing here with me. But this is only A milestone this is not the final destination. I have dreams I’ve turned into plans. I’m in motion and no plans of slowing down. Don’t try stopping me and don’t stand in my way.
Category: The Practice of Nursing
It’s Over.
I find it hard to concentrate. A huge chapter of my life came to an end. As much as I loved it and as much anguish as it brought me I believe I’ll miss it. But it’s time to move on to bigger things. I learned a lot from it; what I want and what I don’t want. I learned to not get too attached to people I knew I had to leave to get to the new experiences I deserve. I learned that even salt looks like sugar. I learned who my true friends are and how much they resemble my enemies. I learned everything necessary to carry on with my new life. I have shiny new tools.
I’m done with Nursing School & preparing to take my NCLEX-RN. I had to part ways with my nursing family and utilize everything I’ve learned. It’s bittersweet. I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my family and friends. I can’t believe it’s over. Time to reinvent myself again. To spend extra time holding my loved ones close and cherishing my new found freedom.
This is not my final destination however. I still have two more degrees to obtain. Two down and two to go. But this part; this grueling and tedious chapter is over.
Less than a Month.
Less than one month until I am done with the Nursing program. It has been three rather long years. I have learned a lot about nursing and medicine in that time but more about myself. I’ve learned who I want to be, who I am, and who I have yet to become. Surviving nursing school is one of my greatest feats. I have three clinical days and a final exam in between me and my state boards. I will be a Registered Nurse and begin my journey in a Hospital setting. It absolutely terrified me and that’s the reason I’m going for it. Nothing great ever came from comfort zones. Am I ready? Do I know enough? Am I proficient? These are questions every new nurse asks themselves. Confidence is what makes me different from most. I feel like I am ready. I’ve waited my whole life for this. I was born for this.
Nurse.
To sacrifice yourself is what it means to be a nurse. Working a sixteen hour shift without utilizing the restroom facilities, being the one the family chooses to blame because your face is the only one they see, and working on the holidays instead of being with your family. We not only have to do those things and accept them, we signed up for them. We spent countless hours studying to save lives and enrich them. Years of prerequisites and hard work, countless disappointments and down right miserable test anxieties. You have a highly contageous life-threatening disease? We will care for you. You murdered someone and are charged with first degree? We will care for you. You don’t trust medicine and do not cooperate with the plan of care? We will care for you. You stop breathing? We will perform CPR, save your life, and we will care for you. We will care for you even when you don’t care for yourself. We expose ourselves to illness and heartbreak. That’s what we chose to do. For you.
This Work is Heart Aching & Back Breaking.
Today’s clinical was both an honor and a tragedy. I cared for a 9 month old with infantile onset Pompe disease. The prognosis for this disease is 12 to 18 months. He had an enlarged heart and liver. His edematous tongue made it impossible for him to swallow so he had an NG (nasogastric) tube for his feedings. His extremities were swollen due to renal failure and fluid accumulation. He couldn’t lift his head when normally at 9 months children sit up without support. He was terminal, he’s dying. His mother visited briefly but can’t stand his situation. She just couldn’t deal with the hand God’s dealt her. I don’t blame her, she feels guilty. Pompe is an autosomal recessive genetic disorder. Both parents were carriers of the gene. With this child his PICC line had gotten infected which led to sepsis and with his current condition his body cannot tolerate infection. This morning I had to weigh him. I changed his diaper. I fed him through his NG tubes and administered his countless medications. And I entertained him. I made him smile and giggle. I wiggled his tiny toes and listened to his heart and lungs with my stethoscope. This morning he was alive.
I feel fortunate to have two healthy children in my household. That’s a fact I will never take for granted. Hold your children a little tighter, kiss them a little more, and love every moment spent with them whole heartedly. You never know for certain. This pediatric nursing situation is heart aching and back breaking.
These Are The Days of My Life.
Today just can’t be ruined. I spent all morning and early afternoon in Clinical. I gained so many new experiences practicing at the local hospitals. A lot of IVs, Foley catheters, dressing/bandage changes, and IV medications. I cared for a 16 year old boy who had been hit by a car going 45 mph while he was on his bike. The skin wounds and fractures were horrific. Yet somehow he bounced back miraculously. I had him up and walking, helping me with his care, and laughing so hard he was crying. I felt like I made a difference. My clinical instructor is the best teacher I’ve ever had. She goes above and beyond to help us and give us real world experience. I become more and more enchanted with nursing the longer I’m involved. It’s not a career, it’s my life passion. My pursuit of happiness.
Not only was Clinical amazing and fascinating, I fall more in love everyday. I stopped by my boyfriend’s work after school to see him. We talked for a while until he grew silent. I looked at him and he was already staring back. We just stared at each other for a minute. And then he smirked which lead to me blushing and his face lit up in a huge grin. Then he took me in his arms and told me he’d make dinner tonight. To me he is absolutely irresistible. We’ve been so giddy lately I don’t know what’s gotten into us. Always staring and smirking at one another. We’re so in love I’m sure we make people nauseous but we can’t help it. I’m so happy, somebody pinch me.
Pediatrics.
By far my favorite subject in nursing school. Today I cared for a seven year old boy newly diagnosed with diabetes mellitus. Diabetes is a very delicate and fragile disease process. It is basically the body’s inability to maintain homeostasis without medical intervention. Thank goodness for insulin. Insulin is a necessity for the body to change glucose into energy for its cells. Without the body producing insulin the glucose in the blood isn’t utilized by the cells so it rises to extreme levels within the blood. This is called hyperglycemia. But if a diabetic patient on injected insulin does not eat a meal of carbohydrates often times they experience hypoglycemia. The insulin converts all the glucose to energy and this has consequences as well. The diabetic must take on a lot of responsibility in externally caring for the body’s homeostasis due to the temperamental nature of the disease. As a child, this routine must be difficult. Who doesn’t want that extra piece of cake or to occasionally skip a meal? We take for granted every day the fact that our bodies are self regulating. We are miraculous creatures. If you don’t believe me read something about human anatomy and physiology. Most fascinating subject on the face of the earth. Children are so resilient. We see them as such fragile mini people but we forget that they are hardy. And they’re so positive and full of life. The longer I’m in medicine the more I believe there’s only one thing that impacts your health: your attitude. Your attitude about the disease, your attitude about your prognosis, and your overall attitude about life. Pediatrics is a game-changer for me.
Falling into Place.
This week’s the happiest and most satisfied with my life I’ve ever been. I four-pointed my first pediatric exam. I am notorious for bombing my first exam of the semester yet summer semester & the hardest class in the program I’ve aced. Pediatrics may just be my niche. On top off my academic success I also got a job offer. A company I have wanted to work for for some time now offered me a position as a nurse in one of their local and gorgeous facilities. Not to mention they offered me a wage that is more than double what I’ve made in my lifetime. They also offered to pay for some of my schooling as I continue my education. Not only do they truly take care of their employees they have an amazing reputation with the client population. They go above and beyond. I could not be more excited to be a part of such a positive team and atmosphere. I’ll finally be able to look forward to going to work. I couldn’t have done any of this without my amazing support system. The people that have had my back through everything have given me the strength to persevere and follow my dreams. My amazing Angel nursing friends, my fantastic family, my adorable children, and my loving, supportive boyfriend. For the first time in a long time, things are finally falling into place.
Momma’s Boy.
I love everything about having a son. He looks just like me, has the same personality, and is so curious about the world. He is my little imaginative adventurer and he keeps me on my feet. Today while organizing my lab bag from school he notices my bag of (fake) blood. I utilized it during my lab today to practice blood transfusions. I noticed his curiousity and decided to demonstrate somewhere we could get messy; the kitchen. I hung the bag of NS (normal saline) and the bag of “B Negative” blood. My son and I are so close we share the same blood type so that’s what type of blood we decided on. We transfused it into our patient, Mr. Sink. I’ll be trying to get red food coloring out of his white shirt for a week but every moment was worth it. You don’t know the value of a fleeting moment until you have children. They really do grow before your eyes. I think my son just might be a doctor one day. He’s so amazing. I couldn’t be more proud to call him mine.
Nursing School Drop-out.
I have those moments where giving up seems so much easier. The sacrifice, long hours, hard work, and back aches are down right miserable at times. The stress can be unbearable. This semester is overwhelming to say the least. The amount of paperwork alone has me near breakdown. Today marks day two of the semester. Today I experienced pediatric clinicals for the first time. Instead of my children, I thought of my grandma.
Once upon a time, my grandmother was in the same nursing program and the same school as I currently am. As she once did, I started my pediatrics rotation at the local hospital. She’s told me many times during my life of her struggles in nursing school. Pediatrics broke her down. That woman is honey-coated and dipped in sugar. She has the biggest heart I’ve ever witnessed in a person. She went into nursing with a true nurturing soul. Pediatrics hurt her. She described the incidence of her heartbreak to me. She gave up her career in nursing shortly after caring for a child diagnosed with cancer. Watching the child suffer through chemotherapy devastated her. She couldn’t watch a young one hurt. She refused to subject herself to torment any longer. Having had five children of her own she only ever thought of those children as my father, aunts, and uncle. She saw their faces when she looked into the eyes of suffering children. She resigned from nursing school.
I walked past a room today. Outside the door read a sign that said Chemotherapy Precautions. I was curious and peaked inside. I saw a young boy, close to my sons age, who had deep dark circles around his tired eyes and absolutely no hair, including eyelashes. I watched him sit as he flipped through the channels on his television. Initially my heart aches for him. I love kids. They’re our future, so pure and innocent. He doesn’t deserve Cancer. He doesn’t deserve the poor prognosis that life has thrown his way. Inside I wept. I wept for his pain and his suffering. Then suddenly I made a decision.
This is hard. This heartbreak and backache will never go away. Is the paycheck worth it? Absolutely not. I give up.
I give up my social life, I give up my sanity, I give up on the very thought of giving up. I looked at that child and decided I’ll be damned if I’m not going to pursue this for more than a paycheck. I have a huge heart but I have a little more than that. I have an absurd passion for making a difference. I want to help, I want to make them smile and laugh, I want them to enjoy every moment like I do. They give me purpose. This is more than job security and good health insurance for me. It’s my meaning of life. That child gave me more dedication and perseverance today than he’s even aware of. He has no idea he touched my life just by changing a channel.
I’m not giving up on nursing, not today, not ever. I’m doing this for children and for my grandmother. If they can fight cancer, fight to survive, then I sure as hell can make it through some measly school. I want to do more than save a life. I want to learn how to change a life.
The Mad Mind of Coraline 