Well it changed my world. It was August 29th of 2013. A day I won’t ever forget. And a person I’m reminded of daily. He was a wise man. Born in Mather, Pennsylvania. Born February 26, 1928. He taught me so much and loved me more. He grew up working in the coal mines. He was in the 82nd airborne division. Worked for his local church and knew how to drive a mean bus. I’ll never forget that old white dodge ram van that wreaked of gasoline, with all the grandkids pictures pinned to the dashboard. I’ll never forget watching you crawl around the side lot to catch crickets to feed my frogs. You taught me what love really is. I’ll use your catch phrases a time or two and find myself reminiscing again. Occasionally I hear a song and tears flood my eyes. It wasn’t just I that you inspired. You had a whole community of love. No one thing could be said about you that was bad or negative. You treated people in such a way you left an unforgettable impression. I had a classmate of mine in elementary school ask me if you were God. You were my role model, my idol, my angel. I can still shut my eyes and see your bright blue eyes and your sun aged, deep wrinkled skin. Wrinkles that sprung from years of smiling and laughing. What a soul you had. You touched so many lives and lived the way I strive to. You loved so intensely and fiercely there was never a doubt in your family’s mind. I’ll never forget those overalls or the ball caps, the smell of old spice and listerine or your obsession of history and wolves. I won’t ever forget you Grandpa. And I’ll never forget the day you died.
Sitting in the hospital convinced you’d be home again and get better just to find out you had cancer. Chemotherapy just to find out that the cancer had metastasized from your lungs to your kidneys and spine. Watching you try to get out of bed but the back pain was so immense. Watching you lay in that bed and serenade my grandma. Such an inspirational relationship you two had. While I was at school you were sent home. By the time I got there that evening you were no longer speaking, but you’d occasionally open your eyes. I’m not sure if it was the progression of the cancer or the morphine. You were struggling. But you weren’t alone. You were surrounded by your family. Every time your breathing slowed the whole room would go silent except for the choking back of tears. I finally stood by the head of your bed, leaned in and kissed your face. I said it’s okay to go Grandpa, don’t be afraid. I told you how much we all love you, how I love you so much. How much of a difference you made in our world. That was all I said. Then we all waited. Finally my dad requested I go home and get some rest. It was after midnight. At 6:30 in the morning I woke after a dream about a gray wolf and a white wolf deep in a forest. I texted my youngest sister to meet me and we could drive together to see our grandpa. I got ready as quickly as possible and sat on my front porch. The morning air was so still, like there was no life. It was humid but cool with fog in the air. I admired the closest tree I could see until my sisters car pulled up. She approached me but stopped six feet away. We made eye contact. I could feel my knees tremble and a knot in my throat. All of a sudden I swear my own heart stopped. She asked if I had gotten a call from our father. I hadn’t. She told me our grandfather died at 6:30. We rushed to his house to say goodbye, cheeks drenched with tears and tight with exhaustion. We arrived and I walked through the door. I walked passed our family into the room where his lifeless body remained. It no longer had that bright twinkle of life in it’s eyes. It was so still. So peaceful. No longer in any pain. I sobbed. I cried so uncontrollably while my dad held me. He tried to calm me but every breath I choked on. When the EMTs came to take my grandpas body to our local university I helped them move him. He donated his body to science. He believed in education and helping others. I watched them load him and drive off. I remember that last glimpse. I remember more tears and holding my cousins shoulder as that grown man wailed. My heart broke. My soul dimmed. The world lost such a bright spirit so it seemed like a darker place. I thought you were invincible like a superhero. Even after my experience working with dying patients while you were around I had hope that there would be a miracle. I had to face the truth, you were gone. What I hadn’t realized was that the miracle wasn’t you surviving cancer, you were the miracle. I am so blessed and honored to call you Grandpa. My fond memories of you could fill a novel, from your garden to you waltzing with grandma. Your sense of humor that each of your family now exhibits and your stern nature. I’ll miss the smell of the fireplace and eating chocolate ice cream with you before bedtime. I’ll miss swimming and going to church in the summertime. I’ll miss the fedora you used to wear with your cuff links. I’ll miss the way you loved life. I’ll be missing you but I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places. I love you Grandpa. My guardian angel.
The Mad Mind of Coraline 