My ex saw his son today. During which he spent the entire time on his phone. Father of the year for sure. All because his mother and myself were begging him to fix his sons insurance. Which didn’t get fixed today, of course. And when you ask my ex he made an appointment but it’s a different day every time you ask. No surprise there either. He claims he wants to see his son. Great! Finally after over a month of avoiding him and dodging responsibility. My current boyfriend and the man that actually provides stability for my son disagrees completely with my letting him come and go from our sons life as he pleases. He says that he contributes to his health or well being in no way shape or form. I’m trying to be a good mom but when is enough, enough? My boyfriend makes valid points about my ex and the company he keeps. But I’m torn both ways. Always have been. I’m not the type to ever keep him from his biological father as long as he’s trying. The thing is, he gives up every other month. What is that teaching our son? Daddy only loves me when it’s convenient for him? I’m not good enough for daddy? I’ve heard my son say daddy doesn’t really love me. I’ve heard him disown his biological father to his friends. I will never say anything bad about my ex in front of my son. I remember a time when my mom spoke unfavorably about my dad to me. She didn’t realize that half of me was him. I’m part him. She was speaking badly about me and that broke my heart. I tell him daily that his dad loves and misses him and that he’s just very busy. I’ll make excuses for my ex just to save my sons heart from a few more tears. I know what’s best for my son and no one else can tell me what’s best. I’m a damn good mom and I’m proud of myself for not letting my emotions towards his father get the best of me. But when is enough, enough? Do I let his fathers poor decisions and unloving actions into his life? Do I let him see first hand his dad’s true colors even though it’ll break his heart? I’m afraid there’s no right answer. Everyone in my life including my exs mother warns me. They’re all skeptical of his fathers true intentions and don’t trust him at all. Do I give my ex yet another opportunity to fail? To disappoint? To hurt the one person that means the VERY most to me? Yet again I find myself saying that’s out of my control, I can only do my best. I sleep soundly at night with a guilt free conscious.
The Mad Mind of Coraline 