My ex saw his son today. During which he spent the entire time on his phone. Father of the year for sure. All because his mother and myself were begging him to fix his sons insurance. Which didn’t get fixed today, of course. And when you ask my ex he made an appointment but it’s a different day every time you ask. No surprise there either. He claims he wants to see his son. Great! Finally after over a month of avoiding him and dodging responsibility. My current boyfriend and the man that actually provides stability for my son disagrees completely with my letting him come and go from our sons life as he pleases. He says that he contributes to his health or well being in no way shape or form. I’m trying to be a good mom but when is enough, enough? My boyfriend makes valid points about my ex and the company he keeps. But I’m torn both ways. Always have been. I’m not the type to ever keep him from his biological father as long as he’s trying. The thing is, he gives up every other month. What is that teaching our son? Daddy only loves me when it’s convenient for him? I’m not good enough for daddy? I’ve heard my son say daddy doesn’t really love me. I’ve heard him disown his biological father to his friends. I will never say anything bad about my ex in front of my son. I remember a time when my mom spoke unfavorably about my dad to me. She didn’t realize that half of me was him. I’m part him. She was speaking badly about me and that broke my heart. I tell him daily that his dad loves and misses him and that he’s just very busy. I’ll make excuses for my ex just to save my sons heart from a few more tears. I know what’s best for my son and no one else can tell me what’s best. I’m a damn good mom and I’m proud of myself for not letting my emotions towards his father get the best of me. But when is enough, enough? Do I let his fathers poor decisions and unloving actions into his life? Do I let him see first hand his dad’s true colors even though it’ll break his heart? I’m afraid there’s no right answer. Everyone in my life including my exs mother warns me. They’re all skeptical of his fathers true intentions and don’t trust him at all. Do I give my ex yet another opportunity to fail? To disappoint? To hurt the one person that means the VERY most to me? Yet again I find myself saying that’s out of my control, I can only do my best. I sleep soundly at night with a guilt free conscious.
Tag: young
Two Long Days.
Just two more days until I’m no longer married to the man who put me through hell. Time is slowing down. I will cry some of my happiest tears to go back to my maiden name. To be rid of my connections to him will be a blessing. He was a long lesson. I’m finally in love with the Man I belong. I finally feel like part of a family not a battle field. I never get disappointed anymore, I’m not constantly stressed, not paranoid about getting cheated on or left. I found stability in a storm. I don’t ever get ignored or abandoned. I get more calls than texts now. I’m still in awe over everything I was missing out on. Ladies & gentlemen, life’s too short for shitty relationships. Find someone stable, someone who brings as much as you do to the table. Someone who loves just the way you do. Do not settle for lies, manipulations, or guilt trips. Don’t settle with someone who lessens your potential or makes you feel unworthy. You deserve love. You deserve a person who reflects you in the most stunning way. You deserve someone who stands up for what they believe and you just so happen to be who they believe in. You deserve someone who will stop you doing whatever it is you’re doing and take a moment to hold you or slow dance with you. You deserve someone who makes you laugh and never wants to see you cry. And I’m telling you it’s possible, they’re out there. Life has an uncanny way of bringing them to you when you least expect and when you need them most. You are better than those who tried to cheat you out of the life you wanted for yourself. Don’t let their opinions or what they did hold you back or make you feel like less of a man or woman. What they did or do says more about their character than yours. In this big fucking catastrophe, I left the anchor that was holding me back and gained an angel who lifts me with his wings. The differences between the two was a huge eye opener for someone who used to think all men were the same. He watched me suffer a blistering pain and drew me away from the fire that burned me. My saving grace. I would have been burned alive had he not taken a leap of faith with me. He saw something in me I did not even see in myself. I’m more myself now than I’ve been my whole life. I owe it all to him. One thing that has been a huge adjustment is being with a man who takes a very active role in his child’s life. My ex was not father of the year by any means. He still doesn’t hardly see his son or contribute in any way. My boyfriend loves and cherishes his daughter. She’s his “mini-me.” He pays his child support every month and helps her mother out any way possible. He faught for joint custody and got it. He actually cares and is such a family man. My ex is too caught up in the young and single life to pay much mind to his five year old son. It’s a harsh reality but I am glad my son has a positive male role model in his life. But to wrap it up, I cannot wait until Monday afternoon, I love my family and cherish their support. This has been the most rewarding struggle of my life.
The Mad Mind of Coraline 