Marked Forever.

Tattoos are a huge passion of mine. I have quite a few. Each and every one of my tattoos holds huge significance to me. So here’s the meaning behind the ink. 

“Deus scit etiam angelis casus.” 

I have this Latin quote on the inside arch of my left foot. The font is stunning in all black ink. This quote means, ‘God knows even Angels fall.’ This is my reminder to not expect people to be anything but human. Nobody’s perfect. And I should forgive those who have fallen. 

Foot Print. 

On the inside of my left ankle I have my sons footprint at birth tattooed in blue and green ink along with his name. He still to this day compares his foot to the tattooed one and my heart melts. He has grown so much. 

Sugar Skull. 

On the outside of my left calf I have a sugar skull. It is decorated with ribbon and surrounded by orchids. Orchids are my favorite flower and I plan on getting more. The color scheme is magenta, purple, and lime green. I got it on Dia de Los Muertos. It is a celebration of the lives of the loved ones I have lost. To celebrate the honor of having had the chance to know them and love them. Rest in peace. 

Lone Wolf. 

I have a watercolor style all black ink wolf tattooed on the anterior portion of my right thigh. This piece is not done. It will be completed when I have a wreath of succulents and raspberries around it with my grandpas name, birth, and death date. The piece will be extended to the posterior portion of my thigh for my grandma, may they always be so close. 

Dragon. 

I have a dragon on my left hip. My very first tattoo at age seventeen. I got that tattoo shortly after my Aunt killed herself. In memory of her and all the passions that we shared. She loved dragons as much as I do. She was a middle child just like myself. We shared many aspects in common. I miss her everyday. 

Backbone of an Egyptian. 

I have hieroglyphs tattooed down my spine. The top is a sun with the eye of Horus inside it. This is a symbol of protection, power, and good health. The sun comes equipped with two Cobras and wings. A representation of ruling over lower Egypt. Below my snake sun, is the head of the God of the underworld, Anubis, the jackal headed God. Below Anubis, is a lotus which along with the scarab I have, represents rebirth and reincarnation. A new/fresh start, beginning again. I also have the goddess Isis tattooed with her wings up in a circular fashion. She represents the very essence of femininity. The ultimate woman, mother, and nurturer. The love of her life was her God King, Osiris.the very bottom of my spine is the Ankh, a symbol of eternal life. 

Pink Flower. 

In the spot where my mother got her first tattoo, the insicion site where they removed her breast cancer tumor is my next tattoo. It resembles hers and is dedicated to her battle and victory against breast cancer. 

Polynesian Tribal. 

My longest tattoo session, at 6 hours, was my quarter sleeve Polynesian tribal. I got it during my most recent vacation to Maui. I love Hawaii and the people of Hawaii. I am an honorary Samoan woman. I’ve adopted their culture as my own. It is a culture of such beauty and nature. My hearts in Maui. Aloha Au La ‘Oe. 

June 18, 2015June 18, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: UncategorizedTags: black, breast cancer, dragon, egypt, egyptian, fight, flower, foot, forever, goddess, hawaii, ink, inked, lone, lotus, marked, maui, memory, orchid, pink, polynesian, print, quote, samoan, scarab, skull, sugar, survive, tattoo, tattoos, tribal, wolf Leave a comment

I Chose Life.

My past is haunting. As I lay in bed reading my old tattered journals from adolescents and my teen years I weep for my younger self. But I grow prouder knowing I somehow got past that young lady who was raped and molested and tormented with depression and became a strong woman with an optimistic view. I remember the emotions and worrisome thoughts that kept me awake at night. I recall the sensation of tear stained pillows against my cheeks.  I remember that feeling of deep seated loneliness and grief I concealed from everyone. I wore long sleeved shirts through the summer because the razors weren’t the only thing I hid from my family. I had forgotten the sense of longing for eternal peace. I thought my mind, body, and soul wouldn’t survive this reality. My heart felt perpetually broken. Hurt became so much a part of me it was more like a personality trait. My family would talk to me, the doctors would talk to me, the therapist would talk to me but would anybody really listen? The medications either made me angry or left me feeling numb to all emotions including happiness. No happiness is no life worth living. I struggled with major depressive disorder for many years of my life. I wasted too much life thinking of ending it. Writing poems helped me only temporarily but when the hurt was so devastating I had no inspiration and it was no help. I recall never feeling good enough for anyone, feeling ugly, feeling guilty, and being miserable. I would also put on a mask in public and to my family. But in the dark of the night it would find me. There was no fake it to make it with my sorrow. Depression is like drowning in a deep pool. You can see the light, you acknowledge the light, you reach for it never to grasp it. Never to resurface again. You can’t breathe because the saddness is all consuming. There is no relief. I had good times in the midst of grief. I trained myself to use the medication, music, writing, painting and expressing myself any way I could. I got in touch with my humorous side. Slowly I took my life back. Depression is not a curable disease. Mental illness is a lifelong struggle with no miracle cure. It’s terminal. I’m happy to say I found my way. I have been medication free for many years now. I don’t let anything stop me and I do not depend on others to make me happy. I’m a survivor and I fought my battles. It was a choice. I’m not my past, I’m the woman who was created along the way. 

May 18, 2015May 28, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Grievance, Life, Loss & Tragedy, Self WorthTags: attempt, choice, create, cut, cuts, decision, depressed, depression, free, freedom, grief, grow, happy, inspire, learn, life, live, numb, old, read, remain, sad, sorrow, suicidal, suicide, survive, thrive, ugly, write, writing Leave a comment

Someone.

You ever meet someone who makes you question everything you thought you knew. Someone you don’t have to walk on eggshells with because their foundation is more like solid granite. Someone who shows you their love isn’t based off of how well you do in school or how physically attractive you are or how well you suit their needs. Someone who’s effort matches your own and who’s love is just as unconditional and all inspiring. You ever meet someone who brings you out of the shell that took you years to build but only months for them to break away. Someone who understands your struggle and without further question helps you become all you’ve wanted to be. Someone who notices a change in your demeanor and evicts the horrible worrisome thoughts. Someone that on some level you’ve had a deep connection with that inexplicable transcends time. Someone like that comes around once in a lifetime. They’re your soulmate.

March 23, 2015May 28, 2015 by diarou326 Categories: Love Life & RomanceTags: begin, beginning, body, build, find, forever, future, grow, heart, help, home, light, love, mind, reach, real, romance, romantic, see, someone, soul, soulmate, survive, thrive, true, unconditional, yourself Leave a comment